Chivalry, Part 13: Final Chapter: They'll Be Watching You

It's sad to say, but there are millions of boys out there with no potential role model possibilities in their own fathers. Even Christian parents fall short at times, letting work or their own pursuits take precedence over their children. The question is how can our boys pursue chivalry and become real men if we, as parents, don't step up to the plate? It's up to us, parents. Mamas, Daddies, even Grandparents (for those raising their grandchildren), it's up to you and me! It's such an awesome responsibility when you think about it; it's almost overwhelming at times....

Lately, I've been thinking back to when we first had Jacob and even Jaden. I think, as a mama, I was so busy with preparing for this new little bundle to arrive....trying to get the nursery ready, making sure all his clothes were washed and carefully put away, making sure we had all the necessary supplies, etc. I never stopped to think of how great a responsibility I was taking on. If I did, I don't think I realized. Now that Jacob is getting older, it has really started hitting me how much more I need to do with him. It has become heavy on my heart and mind; he's getting older, and we have so much to teach him. Some day he's going to go out into the world and have a family and make his own way....is he going to serve the Lord? Is my example now (poor at times) affecting him in a way that will change his life for the good or the bad?

Oh yes! It is! Our examples as parents, what we do every single day, is what matters the most right now. Believe me, I am no saint; just ask my husband. We all have faults, and we can't be perfect. BUT we have little eyes watching everything we do, everything we say, each and every way we react to something. They are watching us....it's like that song, "Every move you make, I'll be watching you...." (The Police).:)

MySpace Playlist at MixPod.com

Seriously, our kids are learning how to act and how to live by watching us. Scary, huh?! I know! I just pray that God can give us the strength, the endurance, the perseverance, the knowledge, the selflessness, and the courage to raise these boys for His purpose and His will. We have to give all we've got to raise these young knights up for Him....we can do it! God has seen fit to bestow upon us the honor and the gift of these precious young souls in our homes; now we must treasure each one as the unique and precious gifts that they are.....May you be blessed in your journey towards chivalry! Just to close with a quote from Lewis; I know it speaks to Dads, but Mamas, they are watching us too....

Dad, what does your son do when you pass by? What does his soul say? Is it inspired and moved by your character? Does he observe truth in your life, in your motives, in your responses? Does his spirit stand up in respect? Does his heart cry out, "I want to be just like my father-the knight!"

If you'd like to read more on raising boys with chivalry, I highly recommend Raising a Modern-Day Knight by Robert Lewis.

Chivalry, Part 12: Community of Men

Well, another week has passed, and as this chapter was really short, I really am not sure what I want to say this week. Lewis talked about the community of men and how this is crucial to our sons' upbringing as young men. I guess I'll just lay out what spoke to me while reading.....

Lewis basically talks about how men need to band together to teach their sons about manhood and to raise them up as modern-day knights. Back in the day of knights and "damsels in distress," young men left home early to go under the tutelage and wings of another older man. Then, as squires, "the young lad competed in tournaments, perfecting the skills of knighthood. In this environment he was surrounded by men....Throughout the rest of his life, the community of men admonished, affirmed, and endorsed his masculinity. Life was filled with camaraderie, protection, and high ideals."

I'm just going to get down and dirty here and be real and honest. As Dan's wife, it's easy for me to just want to keep him to myself....to not want to let him go when the weekend comes because it feels like we hardly see each other through the week as it is. BUT, as his wife, I need to love him enough to let him go. Do I always want to let him go? Not on your life....it's something I need to work on (which he hardly goes anywhere right now anyway, but for future sake). He needs that community of men as well. He needs to have friends and go do fun things and just have that special "man time." In having these Christian friends, it's a time for him to bond and share (ok, so bond might not be the right word for a "real man"LOL), but it's also good for Jacob to see that his daddy gets out with other guys and does all that guy stuff. Maybe within this circle of Christian friends, these guys can support and help each other, mentor each other through the process of raising their sons. In this, Jacob may come to know these other men and have yet more mentors in his life to help guide him. (I'm asking myself if I'm making sense here; in my mind, I am.....:) ). Lewis suggests that these men be involved in all the important manhood ceremonies growing up.

In raising our boys to be chivalrous, this is such an important step. Our sons can learn so much from other Godly influences. Stay tuned next week for more....

Chivalry, Part 11: Commemorating His Transcendent Cause

As our boys grow up, there is one time in their lives that, perhaps, may mean more to them than any other....that time is when they come to believe in Christ and not only accept Him into their hearts, but decide to follow Him and be baptized. As a parent, baptism is not something that I want my son to take lightly. It's something that I feel he should really be sure he knows what he's doing and why he's doing it. Baptism signifies a life change, a heart change, a turning over of a new leaf and a fresh start, living a new life in Christ. Sometimes it almost feels like we push baptism as something that absolutely MUST be done right here and now as soon as someone receives Christ into their hearts; but I don't feel that baptism is something to be taken quite so lightly. Baptism signifies a true change of heart and must be understood.

Jacob recently accepted Christ into his heart, but he hasn't been baptized yet. It's not that we don't want him to, but we just want to make sure that he understands and that he understood what he was doing when he asked Jesus into his heart. With young children, sometimes it can be hard to tell if they really understand what they are doing, yet maybe that's the adult in us....after all, just to have that child-like faith is really what we need.

Lewis suggests that possibly the greatest, finest moment in Jesus' life was when he was baptized, and the Father sent the dove down, affirming Jesus' life and ministry. After all, Jesus was human, and the Father's love meant the world to him as a Son. Lewis suggests making our sons' baptisms a special time....it's the time when their transcendent cause becomes real. A father's affirmation and acceptance at that time, along with a special celebration, could mean the world for that son.

This all got me thinking that maybe it's not wrong for us to want Jacob to wait a little while longer. Baptism for him could be that time in his life when he truly decides and sets out to honor and serve God with his life. I can't think of a moment that would make me more proud as his mama.:)

Stay tuned next week....any thoughts?

Chivalry, Part 10: Powerful Memories

Since this chapter dealt with ceremonies again, I really am not sure what to write here. This chapter gave examples of manhood ceremonies that fathers had done with their sons. It really was interesting. Lewis does start out, though, by saying how ceremonies leave everyone involved with "powerful memories." This is so true.In my everyday life as Jacob and Jaden's mommy, how can I create those "powerful memories?" I've been reading Sarah Mae's blog, Like a Warm Cup of Coffee, and she talks a lot about "Intentional parenting." Intentional parenting could create a lot of those powerful memories. Taking my time to listen to my kids instead of simply nodding my head, while tons of other thoughts race through my brain....taking the time to actually get up and kick the soccer ball or ride bikes with my kids instead of working while watching them play.....taking time to teach my sons how to do their chores instead of just giving orders....taking time to teach my boys how to make cookies instead of just hurrying to get it done myself....all of these would be examples of intentional parenting, and all of these would be the starts to some pretty great memories, not to mention the pictures I could get out of these times with my kids.

Maybe that powerful memory can come from the birthday party I plan for them, or maybe it can come from that trip to the lake to go camping and swimming. Maybe it can even come from just telling them, "Great job!" for something they did.....

These powerful memories can only add to the teaching we give our boys, when it comes to chivalry. Some day, maybe they'll even be inspired to create some "powerful memories" with their own kids.

Stay tuned for more next Wednesday....we're winding down on the Chivalry series. Any comments/thoughts?

Chivalry, Part 9: More on Ceremonies

Just to start out, Lewis gives 4 instances when manhood ceremonies should be held for boys/young men. They should be given at puberty, high school graduation, college graduation, and marriage. If you think about it, these four situations are absolute pivotal points in a young man's life.

As Jacob nears puberty, I'm starting to think about all the changes he's going to go through. I think he's changing now, but I can't imagine what the teen years will be like. My heart just wants to see him do something good with his life; to serve God with his whole heart. If we raise him up and teach him what a real man is ("Someone who rejects passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously, and expects the greater reward- God's reward"), and if we pray for him daily, and if he goes through these special occasions with his daddy, then I am confident that he will go out into the world with a sure footing on a foundation. Not that he won't stumble, but he will know what it means to be a man of integrity and a man of God.

One thing that really stuck out to me in this chapter, that even if you have girls, if you are teaching your sons what it means to be a Godly man, that means your daughters are growing up hearing the same teaching, seeing the same actions. They are learning what a real man is, which means as they get older, they are more apt to look for these same qualities in the man they marry some day....pretty cool to think about. I know as a girl going off to college, I was pretty gullible. I'd never really had a boyfriend, and then at college, everything started to hit all at once. It was a very tumultuous time for me. Not that I didn't have good teaching; I had the best parents any girl could have. Leaving that nest, though, brought with it a freedom that I had no idea what to do with....which is the way it is for a lot of our kids.

Some day our young pages, squires, and princesses will grow up to be knights and queens, but only if we raise them up in the admonition of the Lord....only if we let the Lord lead every action we take and every decision we make concerning our children. We have to teach our kids about life by living life with them each and every day. We have to show them what real life is and what it's all about. It's such a daunting task, but if we don't do it, who will? Pretty scary thought....

I'll leave you with one last thought from Lewis:
"Many sons today are just like Ulysses S. Grant. They have a sense of themselves, a premonition that they were created for something significant, if only someone would notice them!
Someone like a father. With great clarity and regal pronouncement, manhood ceremonies tell a son, 'I notice you!...You are important to me!...You are important to the kingdom of God!...You have an important masculine destiny to fulfill!'"

Be sure to stay tuned for more next week....and leave some thoughts!:)

Chivalry, Part 8: Manhood Ceremonies

This chapter that I read tonight is definitely written to dads, but as I read it, I couldn't help thinking about one of my favorite movies of all time....in fact, here are some snippets of it....oh, this movie just moves me and makes me cry every time....

In this movie, there are two key things that King Arthur says to Lancelot, upon his decision to become a knight. I share them here because they coincide directly with the topic of ceremonies. "What I offer is no life of privilege, but a life of service." A knight essentially gave up his life in service to his king and his country, to his brothers in arms....he had to live a life of honor.

I quote one more piece: "This is only the beginning....for tomorrow at sunrise, you'll be born again into a new life." A knight went through a specific set of rituals before being dubbed a knight. If you watch the movie First Knight, you can sort of see just a peek of what they went through; mind you, it's a tiny peek. The ceremony was the one event in the knight's life that marked a new beginning in his life.

Lewis suggests that our boys today need ceremonies as well. I know that a ceremony in itself cannot make a boy a man, but it can give our boys a sense of beginnings....a spark of masculinity, a series of events they can look back on and remember. He quotes Richard Barber: "From the early days of knights who were simple fighting men to the extravaganza of the most elaborate kind of chivalry, the ceremony of knighting was the central moment in a knight's life. Its roots lay in the initiation ritual, by which primitive societies marked the coming of age of adolescents."

More next week....

Chivalry, Part 7: A Transcendent Cause

What is a "transcendent cause?" Basically, it's what the world is lacking today....it's what our boys are growing up without. That transcendent cause has only to do with one Person, Jesus Christ. According to Lewis, "A transcendent cause is not something we do in addition to everything else; instead it is the one factor that motivates everything we do." Most of our boys today are growing up and being taught that they have to work hard and go after the highest positions, climb that ladder of success, make something of themselves; all of this is good, but there's more to life than corporate success and financial wealth. They're missing something, if that is all that is important to them; most of them feel that void in their lives....and they may try to fill that void through certain activities that can be more damaging than anything.
So, how do we define "a transcendent cause? A transcendent cause must be truly heroic, timeless, and supremely meaningful."

There is a trend in kids and teens today....and I'm not saying all teens, but a lot of teens. A lot of teens are so focused on self that they miss the bigger picture. Yes, we need to teach them to have a healthy self-esteem, but if that's all we're focusing on, we are depriving them of so much more. This series is focusing on boys, but I believe we need to teach our kids, both girls and boys, about the world around them. We need to teach them that there is more to this life than just the here and now. We need to plant that seed of eternal urgency within their souls through our teaching, our example, and our everyday lives. We need to live our Christian lives out in front of and with them....take them on missions with you, let them help you serve in a soup kitchen, let them see you getting involved in your church, show them what it truly means to be a Christian.

We heard a sermon a couple of weeks ago by Pastor Bill Hybels. He talked about "your holy discontent." If you've never heard him speak, I really encourage you to. He started out talking about Popeye. Popeye had quite the temper if something upset him, especially when it came to defending his girlfriend, Olive Oyl. Remember how his muscles would swell up, and Popeye would say something like, "I've had all I can stand, I can't stands no more!" Pastor Hybels asked us to take a look deep inside of ourselves and find what it is in the world that starts that fire burning within us? What is it that we've "had all we can stand, and we can't stands no more?" There are so many ways that we can get involved in ministry in our world today; there are so many needs. You name it, from the AIDS crisis, to children starving, to crisis pregnancy centers, to helping the homeless, to working with youth, even to visiting your local nursing home or children's hospital. It doesn't take a multitude to move a mountain; it takes one person who is under the conviction of the Holy Spirit to make things happen. It takes us getting beyond our own little worlds and focusing not on the here and now and the financial means, but focusing on what fires us up and gets us going. Pastor Hybels also suggested feeding that fire by getting involved. Even if you're not sure where your exact holy discontent lies, start doing things and exposing yourself to more opportunities....God will show you, and you will know when He does.

I share all of that because I really believe that it is vitally important for us as parents to first of all share the Gospel with our own kids....make sure they have a clear understanding of what it means to be a child of God. Our kids are our first priorities in any type of ministry. Secondly, feed the holy discontent that your kids may show. Expose them to different opportunities throughout their lives. Let them see a world beyond themselves....feed the fire within their souls. As you do this, God will work in their hearts and minds, and He will do something awesome! I can't imagine a greater piece to the puzzle of chivalry....

Be sure to stay with me next week for more. Any thoughts? Be sure to comment; I love to hear what you have to say.

Chivalry, Part 6: A Knight's Code

Oy vei! This chapter, chapter 5, was sooooo good, and it was chock full of such great information and so many bits of wisdom, that it's going to be hard for me to narrow this post down. I will probably add a few quotes, as well as tidbits that I took away from reading this chapter. I hope it speaks to your heart as it did to mine.

I have to start with this quote from Lewis' sixth grade teacher, and I think I could do a whole other blog post, totally unrelated to chivalry, on this quote alone; it's very powerful, so I'll let it speak for itself....it's in relation to promoting ethics vs. moral compromise in our children: "You are what you are when no one is looking." Does that not stab you in the gut? I know it did me. Powerful stuff.

Lewis puts forth that when dads teach their sons and instill in them values and ethical standards and promotes honesty and boundaries, that this "forever strengthens" his sons. These things will stay with our sons for the duration of their lives, and they will never forget, especially when it is taught in everyday life through circumstances and situations.

I thought that these two lists were also very powerful; they compare the seven major problems reported by schools in 1940 and now:
1940's:
1. Talking out of turn
2. Chewing gum
3. Making noise
4. Running in the halls
5. Cutting in line
6. Violating the dress code
7. Littering
Now:
1. Drug abuse
2. Alcohol abuse
3. Pregnancy
4. Suicide
5. Rape (wow, this one startled me; in our schools?!)
6. Robbery
7. Assault
(CBS Evening News, 1987)

Wow, that was back in 1987; I wonder what it would be like now? One thing we can see from this is that as parents, we have to raise our children up in the nurturing and admonition of the Lord; we can't let their friends raise them; we can't let television raise them; we can't let their Sunday school teacher raise them; we certainly can't let their teachers and schools raise them. It is up to us to make sure that they are being taught and raised with a Godly influence. It is extremely crucial, especially in these times. I'll give an example, that I'm not sure really fits in with this, but I just feel led to give it. Recently, in the news, I heard a shocking story of a neighborhood waking up to at least fifty vehicles having been vandalized by having no tires, or the tires were slashed. This was a pretty nice subdivision down in the Branson area. I wondered who would do such a thing; boy was I shocked to find out that it was two twelve year old boys. How did this happen? How did two twelve year old boys sneak out in the middle of the night to do such a huge act of vandalism? More importantly (and I don't mean to judge, but I'm trying to make a point here), where were their parents? Did they know that their kids were out this late, at twelve years old? Did they know if they snuck out? Or did they let them go out alone? It made me wonder about my own son....as he gets older, what kind of boundaries will be set? What things do I need to be teaching my son, so that he doesn't have that desire to do something so drastic? This job of raising kids is going to take a lot of prayer and perseverance on our part as parents.

Knights had a specific code of conduct to follow, the components of which were loyalty, behaving as a champion, chivalry and respect and love towards women, and a spirit of generosity. Lewis emphasizes three areas for us to be centering our teaching around with our sons: "A will to obey (God's will); A work to do (according to his own unique design); A woman to love." If we teach our sons and help to prepare them for life in these three areas, they are going to have a better handle and perspective on life.

A Will to Obey:
"True satisfaction in life is directly proportionate to one's obedience to God. In this context, moral boundaries become benefits, not burdens." Our best source for childrearing honestly isn't a radio show, and it's not the Supernanny book....nope, it's the Bible, God's Word. He has given us all the pieces we need for the puzzle of child-rearing right there in that book; all we have to do is pray for discernment and listen for His voice; dig in the Word. (I think it's going to take a lot of digging in our house. LOL) Lewis gives us the ideals for our young knights to work towards: "Loyalty, Servant-Leadership, Kindness, Humility, Purity, Honesty, Self-Discipline, Excellence, Integrity, and Perseverance." (If you'd like the verses for these, I will be happy to send them to you by email; there are quite a few, so I won't take the time to post all of them here) One verse in particular that really stuck out to me was 1 Timothy 4:12- Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe." I wish I had seen this verse when I was younger, and maybe I did, but I wish I had taken it to heart. So many of our kids are taught good, moral values, but they are succumbing to peer pressure, as I know I did too on certain things. I didn't want to be the odd ball out. This is a straight and true piece of wisdom from Heaven above: it's almost as if it says, "Who cares what everyone else thinks about you because you are doing what's right? Who cares what they think if you don't want to drink? Who cares what they say if you don't want to have sex until you're married? Who cares what they say if you don't want to go against your parents? Who cares what they say if you don't want to smoke that cigarette? Don't let that deter you from following God's will! I am God your Father, and I am telling you to show them what I am all about; show them how much my love can change their lives....be my example, my messenger of hope....." I love this verse, and I plan to encourage my own boys with it some day when I know they are going to face many pressures. As stated before, it's important for us as parents not only to teach our kids values, but we have to live those values; they are going to mimic what they see in us; it's a fact of life. I've read many things lately on using Scripture in every aspect of our teaching, even memorizing Scripture with our children. Lewis also advises reading to your boys; read stories of real-life and fictional heroes and men who have lived courageous lives. As I said above, though, what we live, how we live, and things we do each and every day with our kids are teaching opportunities, and usually, it's what they learn during these times that's going to stick with them for life and "forever strengthen" them. One aspect that a lot of parents struggle with is the aspect of discipline. It's so easy to just dish out discipline in the heat of the moment and not even talk with our kids about what happened, what they did wrong. Lewis proposes teaching obedience through "affirmation, attention, and discipline." It's so easy for us to be angry and just shell out the punishment; I know a lot of times for me, it's grounding Jacob for something. But how often have I sat down and actually discussed why he's being punished with him? How often have I used that as a teaching moment? I hang my head in shame because it hasn't been very often. Discipline needn't be a negative thing. And it's also vital that we praise them for doing the right thing....I know I definitely need to work on this aspect also. Remember, patience is a virtue; that's why it's so difficult.

A Work to Do:
As a homeschooling mom, I've done a lot of reading on this exact subject. It's important for us, as parents, homeschooling or not, to find what clicks with our boys. Find what they love to do, and go with it. Find what makes them tick, what makes their eyes light up with wonder and amazement and curiosity. Find their learning styles. Figure out where their gifts lie. As you find these out, encourage the gifts. Give your sons the chance to really work with these gifts and use them, not only in regards to life work, but in regards to spirituality as well. Help him gain focus as he grows older, so that might be able to discern more easily where God might have him to work.

A Woman to Love:
It's also vital that we teach our sons to love and honor women because some day they may be married. Even if they aren't married, it's important for them to learn how to treat the opposite sex with respect and dignity. Chivalry plays a huge role here. Ephesians 5:25-30 is a Scriptural outline for husbands. So many modern theories and propaganda refute this last step, but as Lewis says: "Men are called by God to love, lead, and honor their wives." In the past, I have partly considered myself to lean towards the feminist side (mostly out of trying to buck the hard core blatant disregard for women I had observed and gone through in certain church situations in my life), but God has started to truly bring a change over my mindset. Is it wrong for a woman to stand up for herself? No, not necessarily, if done in the right manner and under the authority of God's Word. Is it wrong for a woman to have thoughts and opinions of her own? No, certainly not. It's when we let our thoughts and opinions buck the authority of God's Word, that we are wrong. All of our thoughts and actions have to be within the confines of God's Word. Dads have the primary role of teaching their sons, but as mothers and women ourselves, we can teach our sons how to respect women; after all, we alone know best what makes us tick ;)....we can teach them Godly manners and ways in which they can be of help to young ladies and also how they can be a friend to young ladies. The last thing we want our sons to do is grow up to be overbearing, helpless, immoral men who have no regard for their wives....

I know this was quite long, and I'm sorry if it was just too much, but I had to include everything, or you might miss out. I loved this chapter, and I hope that it helped you, even if in some small way. Any thoughts or suggestions? I love your comments and input! More to come next week....

Chivalry, Part 5: Let Boys Be Boys

This will probably be rather short, as it's pretty late, and I am fighting myself to stay awake for some reason tonight. Last week, I mentioned about manhood and how Jesus is such a powerful example of true, unwavering manhood. We, as mothers, have a responsibility to teach our children about Jesus. Jesus was the perfect example. "A real man is one who: rejects passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously, and expects the greater reward...God's reward" (Robert Lewis in Raising a Modern-Day Knight). Tonight, the part about passivity kind of reached out to tug at my heart. Lewis talks about how boys are very adventurous and want to explore; as they become men, aggressive behavior seems to dominate their spirit. Only when it comes down to their spiritual and social responsibilities, does that aggressive spirit kind of take a back seat a lot of times. I know this may not make much sense....after all, my eyelids are drooping right now, but I've really asked God to help me to write the words He'd have me say, and this is what is standing out to me for some reason....

As moms, we need to encourage our boys to be explorers. Whether they're exploring in the grass for bugs, or exploring by climbing trees, or even whether they're exploring through reading, we need to encourage them to explore the world around them, the world that their Heavenly Father has created. Sometimes we can be so afraid of what might happen to them, that we don't foster that spirit of independence in them that they need....encouraging them to explore the world around them will only serve to make them even more curious about the One Who created it all. The other night, on the way home from Tae Kwon Do, out of the blue, Jacob started a whole conversation with me about the sun and the moon, and where they go when they're not in the sky? He had so many questions, and we just talked; it was one of those conversations where I didn't have all the answers to his questions, but we explored through conversation....it was wonderful! So, today, I just encourage you to let your boys be boys; let them climb that tree, of course, with a watchful eye and even a prayer maybe, but let them. See the look on their faces when they've accomplished something like that. They probably won't be able to stop talking about it the rest of the day. It will foster a spirit of adventure that will last a lifetime.

In teaching our boys responsibility, we should be letting our boys help us....let them help with household chores. I know in our house now, we have two bathrooms, and it's my goal to teach Jacob how to clean his own toilet. Yeah, I know, it's not a major thing (actually, it could be a little scary for me....yikes, Jacob with a toilet brush....not sure that's a good combination), but it's teaching him to take responsibility. Let your boys take out your trash....teach them to work in the garden and even wash dishes. These are all things that they need to know how to do some day, and in teaching them these things, we are instilling in them values. Plus, some day their wives will appreciate that we taught them how to clean a toilet and wash dishes.:)LOL
Anyway, don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone, and get your kids active in helping out around the house or even being more adventurous, even if it's in their own back yard.

Any thoughts/comments? I love to hear feedback....:) Stay tuned for more next week.

Chivalry, Part 4: Turn in the Road

I read part of chapter four tonight in Raising a Modern-Day Knight. This book is really good, and I'm gleaning a lot of wisdom from it, but I feel a little uncomfortable addressing a book that is speaking pretty much, directly to men, fathers in particular. So, I've decided to take a turn in the road and not so much tell you everything Lewis says in the book, but I'm going to give you more of my perspective as a mother....I'll still be sharing things I read, but I want to make this more of a topic for us as women, in my own style.:) Yes, it's still an issue for fathers, a very important issue, but as mothers, I really believe we play a huge role in who our sons will grow up to be as well.

Tonight as I was reading, I noticed something that I think I disagree with, but I'm not totally certain yet. I still have to delve into the book a little deeper. The author talked about how in certain countries they have ceremonies for a boy to become a man, some of these ceremonies quite traumatizing for a young boy....and that is their culture; it is what they are used to. Here, we don't have these ceremonies; in America, we really don't have any one certain rite of passage for a boy to become a man. He talks as if we need these rites of passage, so that boys can know that they are men.....I'm not so sure I agree with this. Just because a boy goes through a certain ceremony, does not make that boy a man. It does not bring him to that certain level of maturity that marks his passing over into manhood. Just from my perspective, only time and experience will bring maturity, thus leading to manhood.

One topic I did gain a lot of insight from, though, is the fact that there are two pictures of manhood in the Bible, two characters we can look back to, Adam and Jesus. Let me just focus on Jesus right now. As mothers, what better thing can we do, than to teach our children Who Jesus is? What better person can we focus on teaching our children about, than Jesus? Jesus gave up all and came to earth as a man, and He gave His all for us. He went through every single part of growing up that our boys will go through. What better picture of manhood can we give to our children, than our wonderful Saviour? Who better to point our boys to as they experience life, than the One Who loves them more than they could ever comprehend? As mothers, we have the opportunity to show Jesus to our children every day, not just in the stories we share and the words we say, but through every action and every reaction. I'll be the first to admit, not every action and reaction of mine is always a picture of what Jesus would do. This really gave me conviction as I read tonight....in Jesus lies every answer I could possibly need in raising these boys to be chivalrous men....ponder it for a bit.

Leave a comment; share your thoughts....

Chivalry, Part 3: Is He Drifting?

Dan and I are really enjoying reading this book, Raising a Modern-Day Knight by Robert Lewis. Tonight's chapter was honestly a bit frightening. Within the chapter, Lewis shared a portion of Lionel Dahmer's story concerning his son Jeffrey Dahmer. Lionel tried to piece together what may have happened to cause his son to take such a drastic turn in his life. I will quote here what he said, in order for you to get the full effect of his words: "And so I wasn't there to see him as he began to sink into himself. I wasn't there to sense, even if I could have sensed it, that he might be drifting toward that unimaginable realm of fantasy and isolation that it would take nearly thirty years to recognize." How many stories do we see every day now of young boys involved in some sort of violence? How many young boys are sitting in Juvie, as we read this?

This particularly frightened me, as we are slowly watching Jacob start to go through some sort of change in his life. He is starting the process of growing up. I can't tell you how many things he has come to me lately and told me that he feels are "a little too kiddish" for him now, and they need to be put away. I can totally sense a change in him. Before we know it, the teenage years are going to be upon us, and I don't want to see him "drift" or "sink into himself." As parents, and particularly with fathers, we have to be there for our sons.

Lewis so wisely quotes the Proverbs where he states that, "The glory of sons is their fathers." There is one thing in our house that has remained the same for a long time....it used to be so with Jacob and still sometimes is, but every night when Dan gets home, Jaden runs happily screaming and boisterous with laughter to hug and greet his daddy. That little boy loves his daddy so much! Jaden's glory lies in Dan. If Dan isn't there as a father for these boys, that glory will begin to fade, and they could begin to drift. That's one thing that Dan mentioned tonight, is that he so wants to spend more quality time with Jacob, doing things with him and tying in life lessons, spiritual lessons in the things that they do. Our boys need to not just spend time with Daddy, but they need to be able to learn from Daddy all about life and everything they are going to face in their lives. They need their dad to give them roots....to teach them the important things, which of course, includes manhood. Lewis states three things that boys need from their fathers: "A vision for manhood; A code of conduct; A transcendent cause."

Honestly, speaking for both Dan and myself, I can see areas we both need to work on. I can't imagine waking up someday and facing the reality of what could be, as in the Dahmers' case. Not that this happens to all sons who are left to drift, but God forbid that we should let our sons drift along aimlessly, waiting for someone to come along and snatch them up. It is my heart's desire to see my boys have a heart for God, a servant's heart, loving husbands and fathers themselves; not only all that, but God forbid that our sons should ever feel unloved or neglected because we just didn't take the time, even just a simple moment to listen. I say all this not to sound like I'm telling fathers what to do; I don't mean that at all....but I can see my role as a wife in all of this. Part of my role could be to uplift my husband, to encourage him in his role as a father, even reinforcing to our children how much Daddy loves them. Not only this, but as a mother, I need to spend "quality time" with my children as well. I need to look at my children through the eyes of a loving Heavenly Father, who sees them not as burdens, but as gifts.

Hang on tight, because this is all leading up to the life of a knight; this is just the foundation.....stay tuned for more next Wednesday. Any thoughts? Leave a comment.:)

Little Boys, Little Men

With today being Wednesday, I would normally post on my chivalry series, but seeing as I have not unpacked my book yet, wherever it may be, I will probably not be posting on it again until next week. It will continue next Wednesday for sure, though.

Today has been an interesting day. We ended up painting the kitchen last night, so we were up once again until 3am.....why do we do that to ourselves? All in the name of color, I guess. I do love the color in the kitchen. It's called Mocha Java. I'll show you a picture after things get more organized so you can see it. I tried to do my writing this afternoon, but I was so exhausted that I fell asleep at my desk, so then I got up, stumbling blindly towards my bed, and I woke up when Jaden woke up from his nap, around 5 or so. Whew! I guess I needed the rest!

Anyway, I said today has been interesting because my seven year old son, Jacob, is growing up.....and not in such a good way, at least that's how I feel right now. He's starting to really ask questions about, ya know, that word.....shhhhhh, sex. No, seriously, it's something that needs to be talked about over and over with our kids, not shushed in any way; Dan and I both feel very strongly about that. Yep, he is, at seven years old! My mind starts to whirl when he starts talking about all of this, and lately, he's been confessing things to us that he thought were bad and he just doesn't understand yet. He has been to the point of crying....which breaks my heart. The first conversation happened right smack dab in the middle of Lowes the other night. Yeah, that was fun! I see a lot of myself in him; I also can see that his heart is tender, which gives me much hope for his future. I just can't believe that the time is already here for "The Talk." I mean, he's only 7!!!! Have I said that enough in this post? Kids just grow up way too fast these days! I remember going through all of this at around age 11 or 12, although curiosity did hit around 7 or 8 now that I think about it.

Anyway, I believe there will be many talks in the days ahead, and I'm so glad that he feels like he can talk to us, and I'm really trying to encourage him that he can talk to us about anything....I just hope that the Lord will give me the grace and strength and the words to say at these times....that He'll give me the energy it takes to have these conversations. It can be very hard after a long day of unpacking and chasing Jaden around the house....but as a mama in the trenches, it's my job and my duty. Now I can safely and understandably say that whoever quoted that "Boys are easy; girls are hard" was totally wrong!!!!!! Boys are not easy; they are definitely not even close to easy....some day these boys will be men, and that is a responsibility that weighs heavy on my heart, in raising them. It's all starting to hit me very much.....I guess maybe this post could actually go into my chivalry series after all. Have a great night!

Chivalry, Part 2: Invisible

Well, today as we were driving to Springfield once again, I was able to read the chapter for us both. As soon as I started reading it, it drew us both in. Dan offered feedback, and I'll share in a bit. The chapter was about dads who are invisible to their sons; in other words, they mean to do great things with their sons, and they love their sons dearly, but their actions tell a different story. They may desire to spend much quality time with their sons, but they're really not there for them in the way that they should be. Work may take them away, or even something as disastrous as alcohol can take them away and put a distance between. The author, Robert Lewis, tells the story of his own father and how his father's alcoholism affected every facet of the family, including himself and his two brothers. Even the mother was affected deeply by a long, tumultuous marriage. Lewis shared that because of their father never really talking with them, sharing with them, teaching them, it affected who they grew up to be. One brother lost all sense of identity and even his masculinity and turned to homosexuality, later dying of AIDS.

As I read to Dan, he talked about how it's true that the father's "absence" can sear the consciousness of his sons. If the father is not teaching them about what a man is, what a man should be taking care of or doing, or even just spending quality time with his sons, his sons are going to grow up to be very confused individuals when it comes to life; it can even affect their own families later on and how their sons grow up.

In the latter part of the chapter, Lewis tells of how his father came to know the Lord, finally, after a drunken, domestic accident nearly killed his mother and even his father.

As a mother, this chapter even spoke to me. Our sons need their fathers, it's very true. They need fathers who will bring them up for God's glory. But they also need mothers who take the time to really spend with them, to get down at their level and talk with them, notice the word with, not to. They need a mom who is not afraid to get her hands dirty, who will play cars with them, who will dress up in a Star Wars storm trooper costume with them and play with pretend light sabers. They need a mom who will pray with them, even over what may seem like the smallest things.

I'll leave you with a quote from the book:
Invisible Dads are toxic to their sons. I know because I have counseled many of them. Invisible Dads are busy, rushed, and full of good intentions. Their stories and circumstances vary widely, but the crippling impact of their lives upon their sons is the same: a disfigured masculinity with disastrous results.....
Every son deserves a dad who fills his life with love, affirmation, and blessing. Every son needs from his father vision, direction, and solid answers to questions such as: What is a man? What are a man's responsibilities? What does a man believe? How does a man behave? What should a man try to achieve? (Raising a Modern-Day Knight by Robert Lewis, pg. 30)

More to come next week....I'd love to hear your thoughts on this!

Chivalry, Part 1: Manhood

As a woman, I feel a little awkward addressing the issue of manhood, but I just wanted to share a small portion tonight, since Dan couldn't be here to read the first chapter with me. I'm reading the book, Raising A Modern-Day Knight by Robert Lewis. It's written to dads about not only how to guide their sons into manhood but how to teach their sons what a man is and celebrate their sons' passage into manhood. Just for the record, this book is an excellent guide for dads, but it would be excellent for anyone to read, not just men. There are thousands of single moms who are raising sons all by themselves, and really, we stay at home moms are teaching our sons every single day; we too can get great insight from reading this book.

One passage of Scripture that stands out to me when I think of teaching our sons is Titus 2. Verse 6 starts out with, "Likewise, exhort the young men...." To exhort means to give earnest advice and to admonish. According to Lewis, dads need to teach their sons what a man is and how to become a man. So many times, we just expect them to grow up, learning by example. The book also talks about how, in today's society, with all of the influences and modern thinking (feminism included), boys are growing up being persuaded in all different directions and not really being encouraged towards true masculinity. We, as parents, have to lead by example, but we also have to clearly teach our sons the concept of manhood.

Lewis introduces the concept of knighthood with its chivalrous code in the first chapter. I'll delve deeper into this, as we go on with the series, but I just want to leave you with this quote because it is just so fitting to what I think about when I look at my own sons and consider how to even begin to teach them true chivalry....

What's even more encouraging is to remember that the light of knighthood arose in the suffocating moral darkness and social chaos of the rough-and-tumble Middle Ages. In that sense, knighthood provides for modern dads a model of hope for raising healthy sons with moral and spiritual vision, despite our own increasingly dark and crude culture.

More to come next week....

Is Chivalry Dead? I Think Not!

A while ago, I had an idea to do a post series about raising boys with chivalry, and I had tested out the idea on Facebook....which got a pretty good response from other parents. The idea of chivalry has been on my mind for a while now; we are really trying to raise our boys in a Biblical manner, and we're really trying to instill in them the values that we hold dear. Sometimes I get to thinking about their futures and what they will be like when they are grown. How will they handle life? Will they love God with all their hearts? What will they do with their lives? How will they treat their wives? How will they treat other people? All of these things and more run through my head some days when I'm watching them play or even listening to Jacob talk. I hope that they will grow up to be Godly men, who not only are servants of God, but men who truly "love" others.

All of this led to my thinking about chivalry; Jacob loves to read stories about knights and castles, and as I was watching the movie First Knight this last time (as it's a movie I could watch over and over and never tire of), I started to think about how educated or well-mannered these knights were; they had a code of ethics unlike any other.

All this to say that I am going to start a post series on raising boys with chivalry. I'm hoping that this will encourage others who read it, but I'm also a little selfish in hoping that it will teach me how to teach my boys this mysterious and beautiful code of ethics, so that someday they can grow up to be wonderful men who treat others with respect and love their wives with all their hearts; not that they will be perfect, by any means. I have some Scripture in mind to use for the series, as well as I'm going to be reading the book Raising a Modern Day Knight by Robert Lewis. Dan and I are actually going to be reading this book together, so I'll be able to share his input too, which would be wonderful to have a guy's perspective. I'm thinking that I will start the series next Wednesday and every Wednesday after for the summer, or until we're finished with the book. Feel free, if you have any input to comment; I will share any input I receive as well.

How exciting, though! My first series!:)