Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Chivalry, Part 3: Is He Drifting?

father and son Pictures, Images and Photos
Dan and I are really enjoying reading this book, Raising a Modern-Day Knight by Robert Lewis. Tonight's chapter was honestly a bit frightening. Within the chapter, Lewis shared a portion of Lionel Dahmer's story concerning his son Jeffrey Dahmer. Lionel tried to piece together what may have happened to cause his son to take such a drastic turn in his life. I will quote here what he said, in order for you to get the full effect of his words: "And so I wasn't there to see him as he began to sink into himself. I wasn't there to sense, even if I could have sensed it, that he might be drifting toward that unimaginable realm of fantasy and isolation that it would take nearly thirty years to recognize." How many stories do we see every day now of young boys involved in some sort of violence? How many young boys are sitting in Juvie, as we read this?

This particularly frightened me, as we are slowly watching Jacob start to go through some sort of change in his life. He is starting the process of growing up. I can't tell you how many things he has come to me lately and told me that he feels are "a little too kiddish" for him now, and they need to be put away. I can totally sense a change in him. Before we know it, the teenage years are going to be upon us, and I don't want to see him "drift" or "sink into himself." As parents, and particularly with fathers, we have to be there for our sons.

Lewis so wisely quotes the Proverbs where he states that, "The glory of sons is their fathers." There is one thing in our house that has remained the same for a long used to be so with Jacob and still sometimes is, but every night when Dan gets home, Jaden runs happily screaming and boisterous with laughter to hug and greet his daddy. That little boy loves his daddy so much! Jaden's glory lies in Dan. If Dan isn't there as a father for these boys, that glory will begin to fade, and they could begin to drift. That's one thing that Dan mentioned tonight, is that he so wants to spend more quality time with Jacob, doing things with him and tying in life lessons, spiritual lessons in the things that they do. Our boys need to not just spend time with Daddy, but they need to be able to learn from Daddy all about life and everything they are going to face in their lives. They need their dad to give them teach them the important things, which of course, includes manhood. Lewis states three things that boys need from their fathers: "A vision for manhood; A code of conduct; A transcendent cause."

Honestly, speaking for both Dan and myself, I can see areas we both need to work on. I can't imagine waking up someday and facing the reality of what could be, as in the Dahmers' case. Not that this happens to all sons who are left to drift, but God forbid that we should let our sons drift along aimlessly, waiting for someone to come along and snatch them up. It is my heart's desire to see my boys have a heart for God, a servant's heart, loving husbands and fathers themselves; not only all that, but God forbid that our sons should ever feel unloved or neglected because we just didn't take the time, even just a simple moment to listen. I say all this not to sound like I'm telling fathers what to do; I don't mean that at all....but I can see my role as a wife in all of this. Part of my role could be to uplift my husband, to encourage him in his role as a father, even reinforcing to our children how much Daddy loves them. Not only this, but as a mother, I need to spend "quality time" with my children as well. I need to look at my children through the eyes of a loving Heavenly Father, who sees them not as burdens, but as gifts.

Hang on tight, because this is all leading up to the life of a knight; this is just the foundation.....stay tuned for more next Wednesday. Any thoughts? Leave a comment.:)


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