Do you ever feel helpless, truly helpless; as if there's something that you surely ought to be able to do in a situation, but you just can't find a darn thing to do? That's how I've been feeling with this whole situation in Haiti. My heart bleeds for these people, and if I had a way, I'd be on the next plane there....but really, is that feasible for me, and is it what God would have me do right now? Just jump on a plane, leaving my family behind to fend for themselves for who knows how long? Don't get me wrong, I would give my eye teeth right now to go, and I just can't help feeling that there's something He wants me to do....
It might be what God wants, and if He were to call me to it and provide a way, I would be there....but sometimes our heart's desires can get ahead of God's desires for us. I'm saying all of this to myself right now, as my heart has been breaking, trying to figure out ways I can help. I don't have a passport, so it's not like I can just get on a plane anyway. But I just feel like God wants more from me in life. This whole earthquake disaster has really brought Haiti a lot closer to my heart, and I just want to share my heart with you.
I don't know if you remember or not, but a couple weeks ago, I shared on here about the dreams I have every so often, more like nightmares really. I told about a specific dream I'd had that seemed like it was some sort of genocide or something in a third world country; I wasn't sure if it was Africa or Central America....and you may think I'm crazy, but the sights I saw and the horrors I witnessed in that dream were similar to the earthquake coverage I've been seeing on tv, late at night when I'm watching CNN or other news because I can't get it out of my mind enough to go to sleep.....I'm seriously not crazy, but I do believe that God was trying to get me to start praying, and I have to say that for that first few days after my dream, I prayed, but I failed to continue praying. I share all of this because God's really been speaking to my heart....I don't know what He wants right now; I don't even know what I can do to help. I truly feel totally helpless, but I'm asking God to use me however He can.....whether it's through prayer and intercession, whether it's through fundraising, or whether He's dealing with me and Dan, possibly calling us to service, I don't know.
Dan and I talked the other night, and we have so many dreams of becoming completely debt-free, which is so very feasible in the near future....dreams of taking off when disaster strikes in different parts of the world, putting our gifts and talents to work to help in any situation that we can....dreams of adopting or even starting an orphanage or teen exchange program for poor nations.....we've talked over so many different ideas. I think God's working on our hearts, and I think He has great things in store, but in the meantime, what do we do?
I think we have to do whatever we can. So, as my heart breaks, and I want to just GO, I have to let my heart rest in His plan for me....after all, His plan may involve prayer, it may involve fundraising, it may involve loving and enjoying my children (never taking a moment with them for granted, as I tearfully watch babies suffering in Haiti), it may involve just being ready to go when it's His time....hoping this can encourage some of you waiting Mamas out there today.:) One more note: Dream big, Mamas! Don't ever let doubt keep you from doing what you know God wants you to do. Even if the task at hand seems daunting, dream big....God has planted that dream/desire for a reason, and what He has called you to do, He will provide the way for. After all, how have other organizations started? I have a hunch they started with a dream in someone's heart....think about it, but don't discount it.
that you do not become sluggish, but imitate those who through faith and patience inherit the promises- Hebrews 6:12 (NKJV).
God speaks in the silence of the heart. Listening is the beginning of prayer- Mother Teresa.
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