Wednesday, October 22, 2008

A Little Perspective

Today has just been one of those days; I can't describe how I woke up feeling exactly. It was that irritable, grouchy, sad, weird feeling. As mothers, sometimes, at least I myself, find that most of my days are filled with joy and new discoveries and just wonderful memories. Don't get me wrong; it's not easy; it's probably the hardest job I've ever done. Then there are those days every once in a great while that seem to sneak in and just clobber you as soon as you wake up from that sound sleep. That day every once in a while that makes you want to pull all your hair out, but you can't quite put your finger on the reason why. That's how today has been. I love my kids dearly, but lately, Jaden's been in some sort of funk where he just wants so much attention and wants to bawl and bawl while Jacob and I are trying to work on school. Anyway, I say this not to complain; it helps to write it out, but I say this because all day, I've been wondering why I'm feeling this way. It feels like the world is just falling in on me, and I just want to "do battle" with anything that gets in my way.:)LOLOL (Be honest, you know you've been there too!) I think it just boils down to not putting all my fears, problems, emotions, just everything into God's hands and leaving it there. Instead, I try to think of solutions myself. I listen to other people's problems, and I internalize them, and it's like I just add it to the "burden backpack" on my back. Right now, a very dear college friend of mine is in the midst of losing her father as we speak; they are due to remove the life support today, and it's just heartbreaking. And as much as I want to cry over it, I need to leave it in God's hands. I need to trust that God has a reason, and He is working through all of this. Through the midst of Dan's gram's battle with cancer, there is not much I can do here, and it's a very helpless feeling. But God knows, and He can do something, but I have to let Him. Being patient and waiting are not my strong suits, but God can make a way, no matter the time it may take. Really, these problems put my little "freakish" day into much perspective, when I think about it. The insignificance of a bad day every once in a while compared to what someone else may be going through is just so powerful to think on. I feel like I'm just rambling, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that no matter those days where you feel like the world is ending; pay no attention to them. God is still working, no matter how we feel, and He is in control. We just have to let Him be in control and let go of the steering wheel. At least in my life, that's how it rolls.:)

1 comments:

Ruth A Stiles October 22, 2008 at 6:26 PM  

thanks for baring your thoughts, your mind, you soul, your struggles...it is nice to see others go through what I feel at times too...I am praying for you..now I can pray more specifically...
Love you Mel....
(glad to get to know you better...)

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