Today has just been one of those days; I can't describe how I woke up feeling exactly. It was that irritable, grouchy, sad, weird feeling. As mothers, sometimes, at least I myself, find that most of my days are filled with joy and new discoveries and just wonderful memories. Don't get me wrong; it's not easy; it's probably the hardest job I've ever done. Then there are those days every once in a great while that seem to sneak in and just clobber you as soon as you wake up from that sound sleep. That day every once in a while that makes you want to pull all your hair out, but you can't quite put your finger on the reason why. That's how today has been. I love my kids dearly, but lately, Jaden's been in some sort of funk where he just wants so much attention and wants to bawl and bawl while Jacob and I are trying to work on school. Anyway, I say this not to complain; it helps to write it out, but I say this because all day, I've been wondering why I'm feeling this way. It feels like the world is just falling in on me, and I just want to "do battle" with anything that gets in my way.:)LOLOL (Be honest, you know you've been there too!) I think it just boils down to not putting all my fears, problems, emotions, just everything into God's hands and leaving it there. Instead, I try to think of solutions myself. I listen to other people's problems, and I internalize them, and it's like I just add it to the "burden backpack" on my back. Right now, a very dear college friend of mine is in the midst of losing her father as we speak; they are due to remove the life support today, and it's just heartbreaking. And as much as I want to cry over it, I need to leave it in God's hands. I need to trust that God has a reason, and He is working through all of this. Through the midst of Dan's gram's battle with cancer, there is not much I can do here, and it's a very helpless feeling. But God knows, and He can do something, but I have to let Him. Being patient and waiting are not my strong suits, but God can make a way, no matter the time it may take. Really, these problems put my little "freakish" day into much perspective, when I think about it. The insignificance of a bad day every once in a while compared to what someone else may be going through is just so powerful to think on. I feel like I'm just rambling, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that no matter those days where you feel like the world is ending; pay no attention to them. God is still working, no matter how we feel, and He is in control. We just have to let Him be in control and let go of the steering wheel. At least in my life, that's how it rolls.:)
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Today we went to Autumnfest here in our small town of Mountain Grove, Missouri. It was such a beautiful day! The sun was shining, and it was a warm fall day. I entered my apple crumb pie in the contest and won third place; I was ecstatic!:) This is the first pie I have ever been able to make that looks good and tastes great! Trust me, I am not a pie maker, but this one has turned out good for me, so I thought I'd give it a try. Another homeschooling mom, Tabby, got second place. Dan opened up his shop, and he started a raffle for a bigscreen tv; we are trying to raise money for Elsie Lherrisson, a missionary in Haiti, who is desperately needing rice to feed the kids that she works with every day. I ended up walking around with the kids, and we found a couple things, one of which Jacob just had to have- a fully loaded marshmallow gun.:) We listened to and watched all the wonderful entertainment that they had. If you've ever watched Gilmore Girls, you'll know what I mean when I say that it had that kind of Stars Hollow feeling today.:) It was such a great day for the community, and there were so many people there. It makes me want to reach out more in this community; I so would like to get involved somehow working with some of the public school kids and just be a light and a mentor for them. I am feeling that little tug on my heart; you know, the one that the Holy Spirit gives you when He wants to use you. Anyway, I just have to say that we are so homesick for New York, but I think that before you can be used by God, you have to learn to be content and be used by Him where you are at, and that is something He has been teaching me lately. I can't remember a time when I have been so content and happy, in the fact that I know I am where He wants me right now in this moment. I know that He is calling us to New York eventually, but for now, I am so content with being in this moment, letting Him use me here as He sees fit. It's an amazing feeling, isn't it?! Here's just a couple pics from today; the rest are on my Facebook profile.